My pandemic journal continues with part eight, covering May 10-26, 2020 (see part seven here). As I discuss in the May 26 entry, I've felt a bit more melancholy lately. But don't worry, there are still plenty of memes.
Sun. 10 May 2020
Mother’s Day is always a bit difficult for me. My mom died almost 20 years ago from breast cancer in her early 50’s. I’m sad and miss my mom a lot, but I try to think about it as celebrating all the other mothers out there. I use social media a little less to avoid seeing everyone’s posts about their mothers, and now of course avoiding interaction with the world is easier than ever. Still, it’s sad for me. I don’t talk about it on the day itself, because I don’t want to bum people out or ruin the day for others. I want people to have good relationships with their moms. It’s not about me. But I guess this journal kind of is about me, so… yeah, this day always bums me out a bit. Maybe it’s the general emotional exhaustion of the last few months, but I think I’m feeling it even more this year.
Mon. 11 May 2020
I ended up spending a lot of Mother’s Day reading Stephen King, taking a long nap, and then going for a walk in the old cemetery near campus while listening to death metal.
The cemetery is a so-called “Confederate Cemetery,” but the major memorials to the Confederate Civil War dead weren’t put in until 1913 and a memorial gazebo was built in 1920 (also, there is a small memorial to Union soldiers as well). The “Confederate section” is just one part of the cemetery. Up until 1913 it appears to have been just a normal cemetery with graves going back to the 1850’s and some up until the 1950’s or so, with a scattered few later than that (and of course a handful in 1918-1919 during the Spanish Flu).
The idea that the Confederate cause wasn’t dramatically celebrated until 50 years after the war ended fits well with the narrative that the Southern states didn’t feel the need to celebrate the Confederate cause until well into the Jim Crow era, which, along with lynchings, was part of a terror campaign against local black Americans (Chattanooga has its infamous 1903 lynching of Ed Johnson off the Market St. bridge, which is today a pleasant pedestrian bridge). All of this lays bare the fundamental contradictions of the United States, particularly the Southeastern US (I don’t think the North should be too smug—plenty of racism there, too; for example, look at my native Twin Cities, MN, where white people smugly believe they are progressive while living in cities at least as segregated as Chattanooga).
This cemetery today is across the street from a college campus whose student body is 11% African American students (still far too small compared to the general population, but probably a lot more than the people who founded the Confederate cemetery 100 years ago would have believed). The Confederate part of the cemetery is also separated by a fence from a still-active Jewish cemetery (I don’t go in there, because it’s still used and not open to the public). So… the South is a complicated place.
I just read this article about “vice-signaling” on the right in light of a recent tweet where a person bragged about being a “grandma-killer.”
I think this article is insightful, but I have to admit it’s entirely from the outside. I wonder what “vice-signaling” looks like from the inside. By analogy, people are accused of “virtue-signaling” on the left (at least in the pejorative sense that phrase has taken on due to major efforts by the right), but people engaging in this behavior don’t see what they’re doing in that way. I don’t know if I’ve ever been accused of virtue-signaling, but I imagine most people doing things that get that label by others see themselves as telling a courageous truth, fighting the good fight, or the like. So do people accused of “vice-signaling” on the right see themselves as doing something similar? And how can we have a conversation about this or deal with these issues politically without falling into the tired, old American political narratives that are literally killing us?
I’m particularly worried that the American left in recent years has taken on some of the callousness of the right without any of the political deviousness. I’d prefer the left to take on neither callousness nor deviousness (we should, by all moral and political accounts, actually care as much about MAGA-hat-wearing Trumpers as anybody else, instead of wishing them to get COVID-19 as punishment for their stupidity). But callousness without deviousness seems especially bad for us both politically and as human beings: to put it more poetically, you harm your soul without even political victory as recompense. Political denunciations (loudly on social media) without political action are morally-empty calories: satisfying in the short-run, destructive in the long-run. Maybe this is what virtue- or vice- signaling really is.
Now that I’ve had a few days to think it over, I’ve decided that I don’t much care for abruptly moving my classes online in the midst of a global pandemic, local tornadoes, and economic doom.
Wed. 13 May 2020
Wednesday the 13th!
Yesterday I canceled my dentist appointment for later this week and rescheduled it for November. But I worry that even November is too soon.
I finished a first draft of my entry on science fiction in/as philosophy for the Intercultural Concepts in Philosophy volume. (I’ve already submitted one for prasaṅga methods). Just a few things to add and it will be ready to submit to the editors.
That reminds me that prominent Polish philosopher Piotr Balcerowicz recently published an article about why Jayarāśi is not a skeptic, and specifically cited my book to say I am wrong. I should probably get around to reading that (the article, that is; I’ve already read my book). My friend Stephen once said my academic career would be made by people citing me to say that I’m wrong. I’m glad to see this plan coming to fruition.
Tonight I needed a book from my campus office, so I stopped in tonight about 11pm. The building was deserted (I was social distancing by being a weirdo night owl). I realized I really miss working in my office on campus—a nice, private cocoon of books.
Fri. 15 May 2020
I finished a draft of my entry on science fiction and non-Western philosophy for the Intercultural Concepts in Philosophy volume and sent it off to the editors. That should be a cool volume. I’m glad to be taking part.
I received a revise and resubmit on another article. Hopefully I’ll be able to placate the reviewers, especially Reviewer 2, who is living up to the stereotypes about Reviewer 2.
I also read the Balcerowicz article, which was interesting. He seems to have a stricter and somewhat different definition of “skepticism” than I do (I find this is often the crux of debates about who is and isn’t a skeptic in non-Western traditions). Anyway, I’m glad to be cited to be disagreed with.
I started the weekend by sitting out on the porch (weather got warm again). I finished Stephen King’s Christine, which is about a haunted car in much the same way that Moby Dick is about a whale. Good stuff. I’ll write a review later. [Edit: see review here.] Now I think I’ve read all of what I’d consider to the A-List of classic Stephen King novels. Someday I may read all of his books, but the guy is a publishing machine so it may be a while. Another trip to the Tower is beckoning soon. I’m just one layer of approval away from tenure. My plan was to read the Dark Tower series after getting tenure. If I can wait that long. We’ll see.
In the meantime, I figured I should something by Asian and Asian American authors for Asian Pacific American Heritage Month. I might pick up Maggie Shen King’s An Excess Male or S. A. Chakraborty’s The City of Brass.
So far pandemic summer is going okay. Summers are usually flexible for me. I’ve been lucky not to have to teach summers in recent years, which is honestly the only way I can be productive on the research front. Still, it’s weird that Beth and I are just home with the cats all the time. I miss jaunts to coffeeshops. I miss being that weirdo with a book by himself eating lunch at a restaurant or having a drink at a bar. I miss working in my office enveloped in the quiet of summer on campus.
I was planning to relax a bit this summer. I think I have just enough to keep me busy without being overwhelming (I have one writing project, that revision I mentioned, a manuscript to review for a publisher, and maybe some editing). I even said no to an invitation to write something the other day (how to say is a lesson that has been difficult for me).
It hasn’t quite hit me yet that all my travel is canceled. I mean, I know intellectually that it is, but it hasn’t really sunk in. Maybe it will hit me next week when I was supposed to be going to Honolulu for the East-West Philosophers’ Conference.
Mon. 18 May 2020
It’s been a weird few days. I feel like I’ve been kind of… busy? Saturday Beth and I went for a drive to the town of Soddy-Daisy (our cat Agatha’s ancestral homeland… where the humane society picked her up) and went to get curbside pickup at Target (new patio tables!). Then I played D&D (okay, Pathfinder) online. Yesterday I had a Zoom hangout with some friends from Chattacon. It was nice to drink whiskey and chat with them.
Today I got a lot of little things done (lots of emails, a union meeting, and other little things), but didn’t get started on any of my major projects. But that’s okay. Today’s lesson: Sometimes it’s okay to work on a handful of little things and put off the big stuff until tomorrow.
Tues. 19 May 2020
During these unprecedented times I sure am glad that gargantuan corporations that only exist to make money for their shareholders care enough to make ads to tell us they care in slightly-too-sincere narration with driving piano accompaniment.
Thurs. 21 May 2020
One of the weird things about academic life: sometimes you get an email that revisions have been accepted on something you wrote a few years ago and almost forgot about.
In a non-pandemic world, I would have been leaving for Hawaii today or yesterday for the East-West Philosophers’ Conference. Instead, I’m at home having endless Zoom meetings and one of the biggest things going on is that the cats have a new toy: a “Ripple Rug.” It is pretty cool. It’s a rug with two parts, one of which is posable and has holes in it for general kitty mayhem.
Today I have two union meetings: one for our campus group and one statewide call. It’s been a busy union week.
Fri. 22 May 2020
I decided to take a day off to have an extra-long Memorial Day weekend.
Remember when I was sad about missing the Chattanooga Film Festival? Well, it turns out they were able to pivot to an online festival, which starts today and goes over the weekend! Guests include Alex Winter (aka, Bill of Bill and Ted), Joe Dante, motherfucking GWAR, and wait for it… Ice motherfucking T! Anyway, I’m excited. I was going to apologize for swearing, but it seemed appropriate.
Haven’t done this in a while…
Coronavirus cases worldwide: 5,234,109. Deaths worldwide: 335,730. US cases: 1,625,021. US deaths: 96,526. Hamilton county cases: 487. Hamilton county deaths: 13.
While the US curve does appear to be flattening, the curve here in Hamilton county has not been flattened at all (40 new cases just yesterday). But a lot of businesses are reopening, anyway. And my campus leaders claim that we will be open in the fall for in-person instruction, or at least for hybrid courses (partly online, partly in person). A lot of people are worried about a new spike in cases as we relax restrictions and people stop practicing social distancing. Most people are not wearing masks in public (like at the grocery store), although everyone at the Post Office was wearing a mask when I went there the other day.
I’ve read and heard a few people recently using concepts like “personal risk-assessment” to determine how to react to the pandemic (when to go out, when to wear a mask, when to see friends, etc.). This seems to me to be precisely the wrong way to conceptualize one’s activity in a pandemic of a virus that can be passed along to others by people who are asymptomatic. It’s not about personal choice or personal risk-assessment when your personal choices can easily and unknowingly kill other people. As I’ve said before, America’s deeply individualist ethos is not serving us well in this pandemic.
One place it does make sense to think about personal risk-assessment is for people who are immune compromised, but then it's more about being extra careful on top of the baseline actions we should all be taking no matter our personal preferences. (In a Facebook discussion on this someone suggested I ought to have a more nuanced understanding of different contexts, especially for high risk people. I totally agree. My bad.)
In the US, this crisis is biological (this is a nasty virus), political (our leadership has often been incompetent), and economic (our economic structures exacerbate suffering inequally), but it is also philosophical. American individualism has run deep for hundreds of years and has been pushed into overdrive by 40 years of the ideology of Reaganism/neoliberalism/consumerism/take-your-pick. We think of ourselves as atomic individuals so deeply that the very idea that our actions can drastically affect other people doesn’t really make sense. Maybe this pandemic is demonstrating that we need political and economic change, but also deep philosophical change in how we think about what it means to be a person in a human society.
Sat. 23 May 2020
Last night I think I hit Peak Chattanooga 2020 Weird: I was watching GWAR online for the Chattanooga Film Festival when I got a notification that the Mayor of Chattanooga liked my tweet of a meme about Hannibal Lecter and wearing masks. Weird. (see above)
Today: Lots more cool stuff for the Chattanooga Film Festival: a live commentary by the directors and producer of Resolution, a live event with Ice-T, a live Q&A with the director of The Beach House (beach vacation turns Lovecraftian… great stuff!), a mockumentary about Bigfoot, and a bunch of short films. Looking forward to more tomorrow.
The Ice-T event was a reminder that I’ve been meaning to get into Body Count for the last 28 years. Time to get on that.
Also, Saturday D&D.
Might try to catch a bit of another movie before I go to sleep.
Mon. 25 May 2020
The Chattanooga Film Festival has been fantastic. I’ll write more about it later, but so far I think my favorite features are The Beach House and Scare Package and favorite shorts of The Haunted Swordsman, Separation, and Girl in the Hallway. Hopefully I’ll get a chance to see a few more things, including an event with the director of the The Stand miniseries from the 90’s.
It’s Memorial Day. I do feel sad about service members who have died, but I’ve always felt that from a higher perspective no wars have had to happen. Not that I mean fighting Nazis or ending slavery aren’t worthwhile causes, but more that if people were a little more decent and more intelligent, there shouldn’t have been Nazis or slavers to fight in the first place.
I’m not sure I have a lot of faith in humanity’s decency or intelligence these days, but maybe the fact that so many people really are taking this pandemic seriously is in a weird way a good sign. Sure, there are loud and obnoxious people not taking this seriously, but I think (hope?) they are the minority. On the other hand, the (in retrospect totally predictable) partisan divides and almost nonexistent talk about real change have already caused me to lose a lot of the hope I had two months ago for the possibility that we might do some necessary rethinking of our local, national, and global societies. We’ll see, I guess.
Now for a walk. I don’t think I’ve left the house since Friday. An online film festival during a pandemic has a way of doing that to me.
Tues. 26 May 2020
The US just officially hit 100,000 deaths from COVID-19.
A black man was killed by police in Minneapolis last night. (Caught on video)
Yesterday a white woman called the police on a black man who politely asked her to follow the rules in Central Park in New York City. (Also on video)
And, yes I realize this is silly compared to any of that, but I started the day already in a bit of a post-Chattanooga Film Festival funk (similar to post-con blues).
On social media I shared this link about anti-racism resources for white people, but it’s hard to have much faith in white people today. And I say this about myself as well, realizing that I’m not doing enough. I really can't imagine what this is like for black Americans.
This is all making it difficult to get much work done today.
Tweets saying that Janelle Monáe should be the Goblin King (or a Goblin King/Queen) in an upcoming Labyrinth movie are some of the few rays of sunshine getting me through the day.
I think part of my shift in mood over the last few weeks toward melancholic depair is that two months ago I had a small hope that things might change (not much of a hope, but something). Yet in the last few weeks it seems like much of the world, the US in particular, is just adding the same old bullshit onto the ongoing pandemic.
I went to the grocery store tonight. Maybe about 30% of customers and all the employees were wearing masks, which is honestly better than I expected. Social distancing seemed okay, although I have had the experience memed in this meme on previous occasions.
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