I’ve spent Thanksgiving apart from my family most of my adult life. Here are some thoughts for people who find themselves apart from their families this Thanksgiving.
1. You’ll be okay. I don’t want to minimize anyone’s pain. It’s hard. But you’ve made it through 2020 so far. You can do this. I’ve sometimes spent Thanksgiving with friends, but often it’s just my spouse and cats for a quiet day at home. We’ve all had a few too many quiet days at home this year, but there’s something nice about a restful day of giving thanks. And despite how shitty this year has been, you can probably be thankful for some small thing (I’m thankful for my porch, which has done a lot for my mental health on those quiet days at home).
2. You don’t have to reproduce your family’s Thanksgiving. Don’t have the time, energy, or skill to spend several days shopping, cleaning, and cooking? Then don’t! Or if you genuinely enjoy that sort of thing, go ahead! But it’s not going to be the same. And that’s okay. I’ve eaten out on many Thanksgivings (this year it’s curbside takeout), and it’s fine. If 2020 has taught us anything, it’s that readjusting expectations can be a survival skill.
3. Your family will still love you. (Unless they’re assholes, but then you probably have problems beyond the pandemic). My career (the geographically dispersed field of academic philosophy) has kept me far from home, without the money or time to go home for just a couple days. Thanksgiving travel has never been feasible for me. Sure, I’m sad about this and my family has probably been disappointed, but they haven’t disowned me and as far as I know they still love me. You’re spending Thanksgiving apart for a good reason: to make sure every family member is here to celebrate next year. Hopefully your family understands this. But even if this year is causing some family drama, at the end of the day family bonds are stronger than a single meal or holiday season.
Have a safe and restful Thanksgiving!
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