Holiday Horror 2023

 

Here at Examined Worlds we have a tradition of writing about holiday horror movies. I guess it's my way of dealing with my complicated feelings about the Most Wonderful/Horrific Time of the Year. It's not that I hate the holidays, really. It's just that it's all a bit much sometimes: the pressure to produce holiday magic at all times through food, cheer, and cheesy decorations, the rampant commercialization that makes you feel like an asshole if you don't buy your loved ones new cars and expensive jewelry, hearing a million versions of the same songs over and over and over and over, each one more insipid than the last ...

Okay, no need to rehash all that. On to the movies!

It's a Wonderful Knife (2023)

A new one being advertised a lot on Shudder (my horror streaming service of choice). If you've ever asked yourself, "What if It's a Wonderful Life were a time-traveling slasher movie?" then this movie is made for you. Our protagonist discovers travels to an alternative dimension where she was never born to discover that she has prevented a lot of deaths from the local slasher (complete with creepy mask and robe à la Scream). As with any alternate-universe premise, this one brings up a lot of philosophical fun about life, choices, meaning, and the effects we all have, for good or for ill, on this mixed-up universe of ours. I also particularly enjoyed Justin Long as the sleazy mayor.

The Advent Calendar (2021)

This one has been on my Shudder list since last year, but I'm glad I got around to checking out this French/Belgian production. The protagonist is a paraplegic woman whose friend gives her a creepy German advent calendar (is there any other kind of German advent calendar?). Each day she opens a drawer, well, it's horror movie, dear reader, so don't be surprised when I say bad things happen. It's a fun premise that gets into classic horror terror-tory of "be careful what you wish for." I'm not the best person to evaluate the merits of this film in terms of disability representation, but overall the protagonist is a fully human character. At one point she has to deal with a coworker telling her she's brave, but there's also a whole subplot of her regret that she gave up a dancing career before her accident.

The Brain (1988)

My Shudder account has been getting a workout this week. I watched this and the next one on this year's Job Bob Briggs Creepy Christmas Special. Is The Brain a Christmas movie? It takes place at Christmas. My inclination is to be open and forgiving about this topic. Recently someone asked me if I thought Die Hard is a Christmas movie, and I said, "Sure, why not?" I don't have a lot of strong opinions either way. Whether The Brain is a Christmas movie or not, it is most definitely a bonkers movie in the way that Canadian-produced horror movies in the 80's often are. A giant brain from outer space is controlling a Canadian town through brain waves, which we discover when a high school delinquent is called in to see a strange psychologist to reduce his desire to prank everyone (including his high school principal, which is how he got suspended in the first place). It's a fun skewer of the self-help industry and commercialization of all kinds. So maybe it really is a Christmas movie?

The Gingerdead Man (2005)

Another one I watched with help from Joe Bob Briggs (one of the main actors from the film, Robin Sydney, joined him, too!). Did someone say bonkers? Did someone also utter the name synonymous with all things bonkers? Yes, that's right. Mr. Gary Busey is here to bring Christmas bonkersness. Busey plays a cruel criminal who is killed and wouldn't you know it? His spirit inhabits not a car, not a doll, not a tomato, not a tire, but a gingerbread man. And of course the gingerbread, er, ginger-dead man embarks upon killing as many bakery employees and random people as possible. It's exactly as bonkers and fun as it sounds. To say that The Gingerdead Man is a philosophical film is maybe a bit of a stretch, but on the other hand maybe it shows us that sometimes, à la Camus, you have to embrace the absurdity of life and take a bite out of that which scares you.

Deathcember (2019)

What if instead of a movie about an advent calendar, the whole movie is an advent calendar? That's what you get here, with 24 short films more-or-less in a holiday vein. It's an international effort with films in German, English, Spanish, Korean, etc. I can't summarize all of them, but one of my favorites was about a shopper trying to return something without a receipt. As with most anthology films (or really more like a short film festival cut together?), the quality varies. I've honestly forgotten most of them already. But this would be a good one to watch if you have a few minutes between baking cookies, wrapping presents, dealing with obnoxious relatives, etc. And just as the holiday season is a bit much, there are actually 26 films instead of 24. There's also at least one Hanukkah movie, which led me to seek out the next one...

Hanukkah (2019)

While Christmas horror has been getting more popular in recent years, there are relatively few horror movies about other holidays (minus Halloween, of course). Enter 2019's Hanukkah. Is it a good movie? Not exactly. The pacing seems off, but maybe that was intentional as characters end up stuck in a location much longer than expected (Was it eight nights? I honestly lost count.). A group of young American Jews dealing with the issue of whether they're "bad Jews" (in various ways) are stalked and killed in fun/disturbing ways that often feature dreidels, stars of David (er, make that scars of David), latkes, and so on. It gets a bit horrific, but it's a fun way to navigate anxieties about identity, purity, and religious traditions. It also features the late Sig Haig from all those Rob Zombie movies, so that's cool.

Mother Krampus (2017)

Maybe it was because 2015's Krampus was so much fun, but I was expecting Mother Krampus to be more fun than I found it. It's a version of the German Christmas legend of Frau Perchta, a Christmas witch who steals children. There's some communal trauma and sins, of course (a bit in the Nightmare on Elm St. direction), and some stuff happens. It all ends up feeling like it's taking itself too seriously and not quite hitting the mark, which is a weird thing to say about a movie focused on child murder, but maybe that's on me for expecting something a bit campier. Your creepy Christmas mileage may vary.

And... there are more, including the 80's silliness of Night of the Comet! I'll get to them soon in Holiday Horror 2023, Part Two!