My too-long running Pandemic Journal continues, with Part 19! As a Dark Tower fan, I would be remiss if I didn't note the number 19. Ka works and the world moves on. Hopefully to a post-pandemic future at some point. But not yet.
I broke my arm in January, so see if you can tell as you go on when my arm started hurting less and typing became easier...
Another custom of the Pandemic Journal: meme for your enjoyment!
Sat. 30 Jan. 2021
Weird to think last January (just one year ago: 2020) was pre-pandemic, one of our last two “normal” months.
Thurs. 4 Feb. 2021
I had my first physical therapy appointments this week. Not too bad so far. I also had an appointment with the surgeon, which included getting my stitches removed. I also saw my post op x-rays… yikes. I have 11 screws and a metal plate in my shoulder. I suppose this makes me a cyborg. They also had 3D models of my shoulder, which was cool. I mean, it’d be cooler if it wasn’t going on in the shoulder I have to use.
In other news: I just paid off one of my credit cards with the money I’ve been saving not paying student loans. Thanks, pandemic… er, or wait…
This recovery is still hitting me pretty hard. I’m mostly tired because I’m not sleeping well. I can tell I’m getting better, but today I had to take most of the day off after two medical appointments this morning on very little sleep.
Fri. 5 Feb. 2021
So I guess starting physical therapy right after I ran out of the good drugs was not a way to start sleeping better. The last two nights I probably only managed to stay asleep for 1-2 hours at a time.
A big part of the problem is that I have to basically sleep sitting up (I have “bed wedge” to help), which has always been my least favorite way to sleep. It's like I'm trying to sleep on an airplane or bus every night. Even being in a comfy bed where I can stretch out my legs is canceled out by constant pain or discomfort in my arm. I’ve never been able to sleep more than a quick doze while sitting up, so basically I feel like I’m doing an overnight flight or bus ride every night now, except I eventually get out of bed at home instead of disembarking somewhere new to explore.
Mon. 8 Feb. 2021
I just spent most of an hour responding to an email about Workers’ Compensation because the claims adjuster and I could never connect by phone. At one point I passively aggressively said that typing too long hurts my arm, as while typing this email.
Ugh. This is the worst part of being injured: dealing with all this shit. I haven’t even gotten to the insurance company yet.
Good news: I’ve been sleeping a little better. Still not great. But better. And doing my arm exercises still hurts, but if I ice it and take Tylenol it’s mostly manageable.
Fri. 12 Feb. 2021
For the first time in four weeks I finally managed to prep next week's asynchronous class the Friday before. Last time I did that, I went and broke my arm right afterwards. This is making me reconsider my plan to take a walk this afternoon, which involves facing my old enemy: sidewalks. Maybe I should stick to softer surroundings and take a nap instead.
Sun. 14 Feb. 2021
It’s Valentine’s Day. Beth and I took a romantic trip to Target for curbside pickup. It’s the farthest from home I’ve been in a month! Having a broken arm during a pandemic is one way to make life more exciting.
Mon 15 Feb. 2021
It’s Presidents’ Day, so it’s a good time for an update on recent Presidential happenings. On Saturday the Senate voted to acquit former President Trump in his second impeachment trial. The vote was 57-43 to convict, but it requires a 2/3 majority. The only really surprising thing was that seven Republicans voted to convict.
Here’s what I said on social media:
I’m not surprised by the Senate vote. The defense arguments were mostly really bad, but bad in a way carefully designed to appeal to Trump’s supporters. The one argument that made sense was that he didn’t meet some strict legalistic definition of incitement. But with so much of what Trump says, I think you need the legal standard of, “I mean, c’mon...”
I’m actually glad the trial is over quickly. I don’t think a lengthier trial involving witnesses would have changed the outcome, and now current President Biden and the Democrats in Congress can concentrate on getting things done, like passing much needed COVID relief and continuing to undo the damage of the last four years (let’s hope they get their shit together to do even some of this now that they control the executive and legislative branches). We were going to have a shameful day in American history, so we might as well have gotten it over with.
I’m hoping that putting that trial behind us is the first step to putting the whole Trump phenomenon behind us. It has been really nice not hearing about his tweets. But I don’t believe his supporters are going to go away. That these voters are here to stay for a while seems to be what the craven Republican Senators who voted to acquit are betting on (at least some of them are craven; others, like Tennessee’s own Marsha Blackburn, seem 100% sincerely on board with the whole thing, and I can’t decide which is worse). And I’m afraid their bet will pay off. Even if Trump himself accepts a relatively quiet retirement in Florida, I’m afraid the undercurrent he brought to the surface is not going away anytime soon.
In local political news, we have a mayoral election on March 2 with something like 19 candidates. 19?! Jesus. It almost feels like every citizen of Chattanooga is running for mayor. I even have three candidates for my city council seat. I have some good ideas who I’m voting for, but I’ll be doing some due diligence of research before I vote. I might vote early if I can get a ride to the polls. Or I might wait until election day.
The Community Control Now initiative unfortunately is not on the ballot as hoped, but the coalition is still pursuing legal action to get it on a future ballot without having to gather new signatures. Due to my injury and general… I don’t know: burnt-out-overwhelmed-ness?... I haven’t been helping much, but I’ve been trying to get another union member to step up. I’ve also stepped back a bit from union stuff. Thankfully I’m not Caucus Chair anymore as of Jan. 1. I’ve talked about this before, but some people are super activists who can do this work 24/7 or thereabouts. I am not one of those people, but I try to do what I can.
Teaching is going okay. I feel bad that I’m not doing everything I had hoped to do (like responding to students individually on discussion boards… instead I do general video responses so I don’t have to type so much). I guess I’m taking my own advice to take it easy and do what I can to get through trying to function during a pandemic. I’m ridiculously lenient with my students, so I’m trying to save some of that leniency for myself, especially with the whole broken arm thing on top of everything else.
Speaking of my arm, that’s still healing. Physical therapy is hard, but necessary. I have gotten some strength and range of motion back in my arm, but I have a long way to go. Handling that along with the new(-ish) semester, not to mention dealing with the Worker’s Comp and other bureaucracies and continuing trouble sleeping… all of that has left me a bit worn down. I was feeling really burnt out and worn down during the winter break. I was starting to feel rested and ready for a new semester… and then I broke my arm. Oh, well.
Speaking of that, today is exactly one month since I fell, dislocated my shoulder, and fractured my humerus. So that’s a fun anniversary!
Anyway, I’ve typed too much, so I should rest my arm.
Mon. 22 Feb. 2021
Sometime in the last few days the US hit a terrible milestone: 500,000 COVID deaths. Here are the latest numbers.
Worldwide
Cases: 112,045,713
Deaths: 2,479,626
US
Cases: 28,767,593
Deaths: 511,302
Hamilton County, TN
Cases: 40,036
Deaths: 445
Half a million Americans and almost 2.5 million people worldwide. And those are just the numbers that got recorded. It’s most likely more both at home and abroad.
The horror of this disease is almost unimaginable. America has lost something like the population of the cities of Atlanta or Albuquerque. The world has lost something like the population of the cities of Chicago or Accra, Ghana.
It’s easy to understand why people prefer not to confront this horror. Some even deny it altogether. But I think we should try, if we can, to resist this pull.
What do we owe those lost cities of the dead? Maybe to remember. To avoid the mistakes that got us here. To work to make this pandemic a remembered tragedy rather than an ongoing horror.
The weirdness of living through all this is that I’m thinking of all this in the morning, and then I have to make a quiz, prep some classes, attend some Zoom meetings, etc. as if everything is okay.
Sat. 27 Feb. 2021
Things are going. My arm is healing okay. I have more motion and strength, but I still have a long way to go. I’m still just exhausted. I’m sleeping a little better, but still not normally. The “silver lining” (I guess?) is that this has forced me to back off from some things and focus on doing less. I feel a little guilty about this, but given the exhaustion and burn out I was feeling at the end of 2020, this is not altogether a bad thing.
I just feel bad that I’m not able to do as much with the union and really nothing with CCN. And with teaching I feel like I’m barely hanging on. And my scholarly research-y type stuff is suffering, too. Luckily I was planning to take it easy for a while after tenure, so I don’t have any major projects taking a hit, but I have a lot of little things (including one unexpected and time consuming thing) and an article that are all taking longer than expected.
Anyway, I broke the “weekend’s off” pledge to send some emails today, but that’s enough work for today. I also got a call from a friend asking if I might like to participate on a panel in 2022, but it was also just a friendly chat.
I’m trying to finish Octavia Butler’s Mind of My Mind before the end of Black History Month, so I can do a post on that and books by Samuel Delany and Walter Mosley called something like “Black History of the Future.” So I’ll get back to that!
Sun. 28 Feb. 2021
I took advantage of my end of Black History Month insomnia last night to finally watch Bessie, the Bessie Smith biopic starring Queen Latifah. Since Bessie Smith is one of history’s most famous Chattanoogans (we have a Bessie Smith Cultural Center), I figured I should check it out. Not bad.
I finished Mind of My Mind yesterday, and wrote a post about it.
Looking into March: Women’s History Month, an election in Chattanooga, the anniversary of the pandemic…
Tues. 2 March 2021
I had to get up early for a regular doctor’s appointment before my physical therapy.
I haven’t been sleeping well this whole time, so sometimes I’m awake early in the morning. But I still hate mornings.
In other news: it’s election day in Chattanooga for mayor and city council. We went to vote after my PT appointment. So now I can say that not even the combination of a pandemic and a broken arm can keep me from doing my civic duty.
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| No Ewoks were harmed in the making of this photo |
Wed. 3 March 2021
I’m entering information that’s mostly already on my CV into a clunky computer system so the university can police my productivity, and two things occur to me: 1. The pandemic has affected a lot things I was doing (especially conferences, but also publications and other things), and 2. I was doing way too much before the pandemic. I’m getting exhausted just entering this into the system.
Fri. 5 March 2021
Lots of medical stuff this week: two physical therapy appointments, regular doctor, surgeon's office and a university-mandated random COVID test. Some good news: I don't have to wear my sling all the time and my shoulder is healing well even though I have a long way to go. And I don't have COVID. I think I will celebrate all this by taking a nap.
The regular doctor reintroduced me to one of my least favorite parts of medical interactions: being lectured to about my weight by a skinny 25-year-old doctor. It’s not the individual doctor’s fault. It’s a larger thing, about which I have a lot more to say but no energy at the moment to say it.
Sat. 6 March 2021
Two of the many conundra the pandemic has created for me: Why is it so difficult for some people to wear masks so they cover their noses? Why do so many dudes think they don't have to wear masks in the convenience store?
I went for a nice walk to the park by the zoo today. I said hi to the camels. You can see them from right outside the zoo when they’re giving camel rides. I haven’t been over there since I broke my arm.
Mon. 8 March 2021
It’s International Women’s Day.
We made appointments to get a COVID vaccine tomorrow.
Yesterday I finished Stephen King’s Skeleton Crew, but now I feel like I should read some women authors for Women’s History Month. I’ve been slowly working my way through Michelle Alexander’s The New Jim Crow, so maybe it’s time to finish that finally.
My synchronous class is getting a week off to make optional individual Zoom appointments with me, but this is most definitely not spring break. Don’t even suggest such a thing!
If you feel I am being too generous: my asynchronous classes have an exam this week.
(Background: the university eliminated spring break to accommodate a more compact COVID schedule)
Tues. 9 March 2021
I’m enjoying my “spring break.” So far only one student wants to meet with me, but a few others have emailed me. I’m trying to catch up on the various research-y things I’ve been putting off (not to mention another unpleasant, yet necessary task). And I will have grading and prep later this week. But it’s nice to take it easy a bit this week.
Now that I’m out of my sling (except in public), my arm is sorer because I’m using it more. And physical therapy is getting more challenging (the last two appointments have gone up to “aggressive” PT). But that’s progress, I guess. I figured out how to get Worker’s Comp to pay for my surgery and hospital stay, so that’s also good. I think a lot of my support for single-payer healthcare stems from my hatred of dealing with insurance companies.
I’m still torn on how public to be about getting the vaccine (supposing we do get it as planned later today). On one hand, I want to do what I can to encourage others to get it if they haven’t already. On the other hand, I don’t want to come across at bragging about how lucky/privileged I am to have gotten it when so many other deserving people can’t.
Later: One year ago tonight I was reading CDC guidelines about COVID-19 and trying to decide whether to get on an airplane the next day. Earlier today I received the first shot of a vaccine for COVID-19. (this seemed low key enough for social media, but we’ll see)
The vaccine process today went pretty smoothly. We got the Moderna vaccine, which is the one that Dolly Parton contributed to, so that’s cool. We have to go back in about four weeks for the second dose.
Wed. 10 March 2021
One year ago today (March 10, 2020), I got up absurdly early to spend two hours in a car with people outside my household to go to the crowded state legislature building in Nashville. We met with legislators to lobby for my union (United Campus Workers). All of this was totally without masks.
Then I stuck around downtown Nashville for a bite to eat and went to a few bars on Broadway. It was already a lot less crowded at this point due to virus concerns, but no masks yet. Then I caught an Uber to the airport (no masks there), and I got on a flight to Minneapolis. The airport wasn’t too busy, and the flight wasn’t very crowded—I had my own row, which I don’t think has happened to me since before 9/11. Tuesday late night flights from Nashville to Minneapolis rarely are crowded, but virus concerns were already hitting air travel. There were two people on the flight with masks, which at the time I thought might be a sign of things to come for some people, although I had no idea everyone would be asked to wear a mask in a few weeks.
I made it to Minneapolis around 11pm (not a very busy airport at that point), where it was snowing much to my annoyance. But my sister picked me up and we stayed up way too late.
At least I had a packed last 24 hours before the pandemic. The next day was nice, too, until we got the news in the evening that a pandemic had been declared. More on that later.
Thurs. 11 March 2021
[I made most of this entry into a separate post: "Thoughts on the Pandemi-versary: Will We Really Learn Anything?"]
Later…
I’ve finished most of a draft of my first academic paper written entirely during the pandemic. It’s not my greatest work and it was much harder to write than these things used to be, but I guess it’s good to have a draft.
Sat. 13 March 2021
Today would have been my mom’s 72nd birthday. Beth and I went through the Dairy Queen drive through so I could have what my mom used to call a “recommended daily dose of Dairy Queen.”
She died 20 years ago. I’m still grieving, which is totally normal even if people rarely discuss it.
In the last couple years three friends have died, one just last week. None of these were super close friends, but people I spent time with at some point in the last 15 years or so.
Sun. 14 March 2021
It’s Pi Day, which is kind of fun but only if you put the month first.
I’m reading an old copy (published 1974) of Leigh Brackett’s novel Ginger Star. The book smells amazing as old paperbacks often do. My love of the smells of books is one reason I don’t care for e-books or audiobooks. Also, the novel itself is pretty good—something like a cross between Conan the Barbarian and Dune. Leigh Brackett wrote a lot of screenplays, too, including The Empire Strikes Back.
Since the pandemic suspended my usual practice of browsing the used bookstore every few weeks, I've actually had to start reading the books I've picked up there in the last five or six years, including this one.
Other news: played some Starfinder (science fiction RPG) last night and some D&D today… all online of course. A delightfully nerdy weekend.
My arm is getting better. I still can’t lift my arm very high, but I can carry some things and use it almost normally as long as it doesn’t involve raising my elbow above my shoulder. Physical therapy is still very much needed.
I finally got Worker’s Comp to pay for my hospital stay and surgery. They said my PT was out of network, but my regular insurance is covering PT. So I got lucky there. At least I didn’t break my arm and owe tens of thousands of dollars I couldn’t possibly pay (that’s what student loans are for!).
Another weird thought: with people (including me and Beth) finally getting vaccinated things might get back to “normal” again in a few months (slowly at first where only fully vaccinated people can socialize, and even then mostly in wealthy countries). This is great, but weirdly I’ve sort of gotten used to things being this way. Don’t get me wrong, I’m thrilled about people not getting sick and dying. But –and this is the part I feel weird about—part of me is getting a little exhausted and apprehensive thinking about going back to my old life of going places and seeing people… Whatever happens, I think I will come out of this a little more introverted than I already was.
Mon. 15 March 2021
I just recorded a 41-minute video (my longest yet) just to introduce Nāgārjuna and the dedicatory verse of the MMK. My poor students. Even more absurdly, now I have to make a multiple choice quiz about Nāgārjuna, and it will be really hard to resist the temptation to make the correct answer to every question “none of the above.”
In other news: It has been two months since I broke my arm. It’s getting better, but it still hurts.
Wed. 17 March 2021
I just finished a paper I originally said I’d finish last year. So now I will have time to work on editing projects that are years overdue, but I can’t do that quite yet because I have to grade an exam and then prep for online classes in which I am not enforcing due dates. This all seems to summarize my work life during the pandemic pretty well.
Oh, I guess it’s St. Patrick’s Day, but it’s a pandemic and I’m still honestly not sure how I feel about the American version of this holiday, even as (especially as?) someone with a lot of Irish ancestry. Still, I might stop by the convenience store on my afternoon walk to see if they have any Guinness. (Edit later: They did!)
COVID numbers are improving a lot, but are still not great. I haven’t shared the numbers in a while.
Worldwide
Cases: 121,521,513
Deaths: 2,685,954
US
Cases: 30,236,324
Deaths: 549,496
Hamilton County, TN
Cases: 41,650
Deaths: 466
In horrible news, a young white man murdered eight people in Atlanta last night, most of whom were Asian women. There has been a lot of anti-Asian hate crime in the US in the last year. The suspect claims it’s not racially motivated but… c’mon.
In weather news, we are having heavy rain in the area today that is expected to continue tomorrow. Hopefully without tornadoes as happened last April.
Mon. 22 March 2021
Here we are in the middle of Pandemic Semester 2.5. Ugh.
The good news: I found some W. E. B. Du Bois memes for my Africana Philosophy students.
I’ve been thinking lately how lucky I am that I got tenure at the beginning of the pandemic, and I was already planning to take it easy for a while after that. I still have a bunch of projects I agreed to pre-pandemic and a few things people have asked me to do since then, but independently submitting something to a journal, or putting together a conference panel, or, universe forbid, submitting a book proposal to a publisher … the contemplation of the mere possibilities of such things exhausts me.
(I'm not in any way taking tenure for granted. Nor do I plan to get complacent in the long run.)
After I revise the paper I finished last week (promised pre-pandemic), I have two big editing projects (promised well before the pandemic). That should keep me busy this summer. And then… I’m sure I’ll think of something. Just not now.
I’m scheduled for one more week of physical therapy. My shoulder still aches a lot, but I feel like my range of motion hit a bit of a wall with little improvement in the last two weeks. Considering I could barely move it at all two months ago, I’ve improved a lot. I can even carry things. But I feel like it will be a long time (if ever) before I get full range of motion back. But at least I get to be a cyborg, so that’s cool.
I’ve read some cool stuff lately, most of which I’ve reviewed on Goodreads, but need to put on the blog. Most recently I finished Michelle Alexander’s The New Jim Crow and then I started Mexican Gothic by Silvia Moreno-Garcia. Maybe I’ll review those as part of a Women’s History Month post. Or maybe not.
Another mass shooting today, this one in Colorado. I guess America's mass shooters have decided the pandemic is over. Sigh.
Tues. 23 March 2021
A couple random pandemic thoughts today:
- I just forgot where the disinfecting wipes are, something I never would have forgotten earlier on in the pandemic when we were wiping down all of our groceries.
- My physical therapy appointments involve the closest physical human contact I’ve had with anyone besides my spouse in over a year.
<3
ReplyDeleteI echo 99% of this. Hang in there.
Thanks! You, too.
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